Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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