He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
