I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
