I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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