As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
