Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
