i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
