Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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