Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
