I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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