We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
