You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
