he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Four minutes until I can fart!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
