Taylor Swift is so right about you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
