I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
