it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
