I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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