I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
