I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
