Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
