I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
