Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize