Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
