seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
