my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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