dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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