Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize