Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
