I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
