The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How's work?
Spinning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
