I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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