im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
