she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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