I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
