The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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