Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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