is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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