Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize