We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
