there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
