Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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