My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
