I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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