Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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