i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize