I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
