I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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