So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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