I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
