Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
