If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I could fuck to npr.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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