I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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