Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize