she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
