My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
