i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
