ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
