Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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