We won't sleep together?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
