if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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