if only i could text you this smell
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
