I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he shaved USA in his pubs
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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