see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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