i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
