I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
