Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
