im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize