Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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