There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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